Press Release Mad Libs

Just reading this press release today about Akamai acquiring Cotendo, and it struck me that it’s like enterprise-big-company-speak Mad Libs.

Original Quote:

As we look to accelerate growth across the dynamic landscapes of cloud and mobile optimization, we are excited to be joining forces with Cotendo. Cotendo’s technology, partnerships and people are a strong complement to Akamai. Together, we believe there is tremendous opportunity for our combined technologies as enterprises embrace the move to the cloud and seek solutions for an increasingly mobile world.

Mad Lib template:

As we look to accelerate growth across the dynamic landscapes of NOUN optimization, we are excited to be joining forces with COMPANY NAME. COMPANY NAME’s technology, partnerships and people are a strong complement to OTHER COMPANY NAME. Together, we believe there is tremendous opportunity for our combined technologies as PLURAL NOUN embrace ACTIVITY NOUN and seek solutions for an increasingly ACTIVITY NOUN world.

Example:

As we look to accelerate growth across the dynamic landscapes of monkey optimization, we are excited to be joining forces with Figs-R-us. Figs-R-us’s technology, partnerships and people are a strong complement to ACME Swim Flippers Co.. Together, we believe there is tremendous opportunity for our combined technologies as unicorns embrace chewing tobacco and seek solutions for an increasingly smelly world.